How to stop being codependent reddit its not about attraction, its about standards and boundaries. 34 votes, 14 comments. Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. I'm diagnosed on the spectrum and have CPTSD so I have some alexiythymia (inability to recognize ones own emotions) that kicks in that makes it I know I am getting upset about small things and that some people never get the chance to go on a trip like this. However, it's going to take so much practice to stay on top of this. As strange as this may sound, being a chronic codependent is a blessing. It took a lot of healing for me to stop being codependent. Collectivistic cultures celebrate many of the qualities individualistic cultures consider "codependent. Out of the codependent friendships that ended, one came back and we are now acquaintances. I feel like I'm stopping myself from being my own person. I used to be codependent on a lot of levels long ago, and I would say I begin to outgrow it when I stop trying to connect with others by doing nice things for them. My partner is in therapy for issues with codependency and I have read about codependency to understand (they have a lot of codependency issues with other friends, family, etc too). I don't want my happiness solely reliant on someone else, but I don't know how to fix that. This sub Reddit might not be the best one for what you're looking for and I've recently been through a breakup so I'm probably not the best source right now for relationship advice so I would suggest talking to some of the kind folks over at r/relationships about how you and your SO communicate/don't and how some of these events have How to stop being so co-dependent? My mood, my happiness, my motivation, ability to function, etc. I figure if anyone can understand what I mean, it is my codependent comrades. Understand what it means to be codependent. My emotions can change so quickly if my friend isn't doing well, especially if I know I can't fix it or help I don't want to be this way. Stop being so satisfied that you’re ‘just like that’ and get more persistent and stubborn about doing something about it, even if it doesn’t work right away. You may feel or overthink being embarrassed being alone at the park or the movies or even grabbing lunch, but no one is really paying attention to you :) A safe place for those who aren't sure whether they want to have kids, or not. Right now I'm trying to learn from those mistakes. We're all at different points in our healing, please come with open ears and open hearts. However, I find myself making my day, life, and even thoughts of future plans revolving around him and us to an unhealthy degree. Does being clingy to your partner REALLY make you happy, or does it give you some other emotion? Most of our behaviors with partners is habit, and they carry on even after it stops feeling good. My bad if this had also been done alot I couldn't find anything 😭 As said above, i need help with stopping myself from being codependent (if that's the right word) and be able to feel good doing things on my own or being by myself. I put their needs and life well above my own creating a toxic environment for both of us. 79K subscribers in the Codependency community. If you want to stop these behaviors, please read books like 'The New Codependency' or 'Codependent No More' both by the same author, or consider getting professional help. This means identifying the areas where you might be neglecting yourself. I’m obviously bummed but bigger picture, I know I have deeper issues I need to work on. " I guess just making sure they know that if you need to take time for yourself, it’s not because you’re pulling back or don’t care for them, you just need some space to do your own thing for a bit and “refresh. Reflect on your motivations. How do I stop this? Maybe codependency is too strong to use. So as the title says I needs some tips in how to stop being so co-dependent on my BF. how do i stop being so co-dependent? I think I’m starting to be or have always been co-dependent. In my situation, I got out of that codependency by just really assessing our relationship and how I felt compared to how he felt. Mar 6, 2024 · As we finish up, remember that just aiming to stop being codependent is already a huge thing. Firstly, no need to apologise, we're all here to improve ourselves and you're totally not whining so it's fine. Skip to main content. 1. selfimprovement join leave 1,911,506 readers. Anybody please help me how to stop being co dependent, obsessive and possessive to my date. r/raisedbynarcissists A chip A close button A chip A close button The journal idea is a really solid idea. The bottom line is, it sounds like you are only thinking that if you are attracted to codependent people, then you aren’t codependent. Again, not true. Jan 1, 2025 · 17 Ways To Stop Being Codependent 1. I’ve come to realize the power of my emotions I place in others hands. However, I tend to jump into relationships and become emotionally codependent, which is basically asking for trouble every time. ive been in a relationship with my bf who is also my FP. I've been single since 2018, and I think this is my main issue why I'm still single. It may take a year or more of inner work to make any progress at all. recently my bf told me that he loves how much i wanna be with him but sometimes that it’s suffocating him. ” ― Ralph… I know I am getting upset about small things and that some people never get the chance to go on a trip like this. I feel like I have to move away to get away from all this. On the other hand, if they're angry, lash out or otherwise trash the friendship then you're probably better off without them in your life anyway. Things that helped me in the past/present: A therapist: seriously, being able to talk to someone who is non-judgmental, but who IS partial and fighting for YOUR mental health really helped me. I just need help being able to live my life as an individual person. Short-term: if your routines remind you of her, change up your routines until either they feel fresh and brand new (allowing you to form new associations with your routines), or until they feel like they're similar to your pre-relationship routines. i’ve realized that their reactions and how they are around me determines my mood and i schedule my work and personal life around them to see them as much as possible. Some are mildly and others are severely codependent. He is 23 and I am 23, but during lockdown on my country he… Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. dont keep codependents. you decide which ones you keep. i have a history of codependency with men nd recently like i have been single nd i have this really decent phy teacher and i truly respect him but i somehow ended up being too codependent on him , nd he is an angry person too so when he was nice to me i was happy when he wasnt i had breakdowns nd 2 days ago i got really bad on test nd he was dissappointed nd hasnt been acting normal around me Just remind yourself that other people aren't thinking about you and will forget it even happened as soon as you stop being around them. Constantly wanting/needing to talk to them and feeling defeated and lost when they are disapproving or unhappy with me. Begin by setting healthy boundaries, learning to prioritize your own needs and feelings, and engaging in self-reflection to understand the underlying reasons for your behaviors. Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware… ok my pwBPD has been best friends over 2 years. And I have accepted it. My advice is to get Codependent No More, Codependency for Dummies, or do some research. So first of all, I'm trying to get myself to therapy. I constantly felt that I wasn’t exactly being good friend to her unless I could give her what she needed. On mobile, so sorry for formating issues :) TL;DR at bottom. You have to stop making the person you live your be all, end all to your happiness. ” Im trying to stop being codependent and jealous of my Bf (28M) As the title says, im trying to stop being jealous and i figured the only way to do so, is to make myself more interesting for me ! Currently i am in a happy and loving 2 year relationship but i find myself struggle with jealousy alot. I have become codependent in my relationship with my gf, I have become jealous and we argue all the time now, I don’t want to live like this anymore I love her so much and truly believe she is the one, I don’t know what a healthy relationship is, I have never been around one, I just want to be a better person and partner, we are currently not talking while I work on improving myself but I know I am getting upset about small things and that some people never get the chance to go on a trip like this. This is distracting me from being present in my relationship, moving forward with my goals, and just generally making my life worse. It is a process, one that starts with self-discovery and requires self-acceptance and compassion in order to generate a shift of energy focus. To stop being codependent, use mindfulness techniques and personal boundaries, Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. You cannot just "stop" being what you've been programmed to be. How can you stop being codependent without loving your partner less? I'm codependent and it's seriously ruining my life. As someone else posted about codependency I think that fits the bill tbh. healthy people seek out other healthy people. I feel like I need to start conditioning myself to let go and more importantly, to stop being so fucking codependent upon her. So Shift your focus inward, go on a journey of self-discovery. are all totally dependent on whether or not my SO and I are in a good place. We've been together for 8 years and for a good part of our relationship I was very codependent with him due to being a codependent because of growing up in a codependent household throughout my childhood. And if things don’t go right sometimes, it’s not the end of the world. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Look at codependency through the filter of yourself. Doing things alone sometimes will help. I have started doing some hobbies on my own when I'm not with my SO, but I do them too often, get sick of them, and stop. 8M subscribers in the selfimprovement community. Personally my codependency was largely due to the fact that I based my self worth off of my friend’s well-being/happiness. r/abusiverelationships A chip A close button A chip A close button You will only re-route your codependent energy into your new subject. When my partner is out with friends or having plans w/o me, i’m of course happy for him but the sinking feeling of i wish i was there to experience too or he’s having fun w/o me and maybe prefers it over me will ruin my day. I also find it difficult to do tasks (such socializing) without him with me. In the past, I was always willing to give up my side to keep someone else happy. I want to stop sitting around, waiting for a text or a phone call from her that I know will never come. and it has taken a toll on my self esteem massively. I’ve been reflecting more and have realized just how codependent I was in this relationship. Enjoy a walk, watch a new TV show, or engage in a creative activity. Try to take a break from your housemates and then return with a fresh perspective if possible - a holiday or whatever. She doesn’t though. Meaning there is hope for us. So, give yourself a pat on the Sep 28, 2022 · People who are codependent believe their mood depends on someone else’s mood. Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home. But I don't know how to just chill. Learn to recognize this, learn to recognize your feelings. The way I stop needing to be around someone all day and every day was by focusing on what I have. . I did it and it really helped me become a more independent person within my relationship. All are welcome, please read and abide by the rules in our sidebar. You are the ONLY person you can 100% rely on for looking out for YOUR feelings, stop The first step to overcoming codependency is actually to start undoing the things that a codependent person would do. He was my whole world, and as others have pointed out, that’s not healthy. Small steps until you can fully be comfortable with yourself. Ask yourself: Why do I feel the need for constant validation? What are my underlying emotions driving my behavior? Am I sacrificing my own needs for others? Nov 8, 2024 · To stop being a codependent person, it’s essential to recognize and acknowledge the patterns of codependency in your relationships. Therapy can be super helpful for both sides of codependency! Individual therapy that is. No matter what I try and do or hold myself to, I'm incredibly self-destructive, angry, distracted, etc if we're having an argument or stonewall session. I relied on him 100% emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. Im so clingy and codependent to him, he's literally my sole happiness in my life right now. this kinda broke me because i realized i’ve been obsessed Welcome to AskWomenOver30, an inclusive Reddit community where people can ask question to and discuss topics with women over the age of 30. I don't think it sounds crazy, I think it sounds difficult. Fortunately, with focus, you can shift away from codependent behaviors. when healthy people meet you, and they see you have no standards and weak boundaries; they will avoid you. Codependency drives people away. Can’t focus on school or work, not eating properly). With that being said, although i will always be a chronic codependent, it doesn't mean that i have to live that way. unhealthy people settle for other unhealthy people. Codependency robs of others. Slowly but surely you’ll get the hang of it but you need to make the first step. But even being self aware of that I can't stop it. The first step to overcoming codependency is actually to start undoing the things that a codependent person would do. Change doesn’t happen at once, it’s all about those small steps you take each day. It’s not just stressing to help a loved one or always needing them around. As a chronic codependent i have recognized the importance of accepting that we will always be one. My matches on dating apps find me attractive but when we started talking and meeting up, they become aloof. I’m having such a hard time not reminiscing, being sad, neglecting myself and not working on the work that’s waiting for me (eg. Thanks for this. I had stronger feelings for him than vice versa, and I was putting more work into our friendship. I’ve never… Now that I’m able to be with my friends IRL, I can’t stand being without them. Post and share stories for both sides, questions you may have, and anything else you can think of (applicable to the subject at hand). r/Codependency A chip A close button A chip A close button Sure there might be some hurt feelings and defensiveness at first but hopefully being honest in a kind way will allow your friendship to move in a better and more authentic direction. “Make the most of yourself. Not only is it unhealthy, but it puts too much pressure on the person you date to maintain that expectation that’s too high. l've been codependent since I was young (l'm 20 now) and it's only seemed to get worse. I’m becoming a loathing, insecure, paranoid… 114 votes, 24 comments. Part of being a narcissist is being vulnerable too victimisation due too their fragile sense of self and so they will always find a way too paint themselves as innocent angels and paint you as the worst person on the planet. However, I do a lot of self reflection work based on the resources available to me, and I've come to the conclusion that the household I grew up in is the reason I constantly look for validation through others. It’s caused by childhood trauma and parental/family dynamics that influence us as we grow up. Being codependent means I can always see two sides to every issue. Me and my boyfriend have been together for years, and it has been a healthy relationship. I fight the codependency by encouraging her to make other friends and helping her with her relationship issues. Welcome to r/SelfImprovement Rules Dec 24, 2024 · Here’s a 5-step guide to help you overcome codependency on Reddit: Take a step back and acknowledge your codependent behaviors. Codependency is a lack of self. My (20F) current boyfriend (20M) is very sweet and kind. If you want to stop something, you need to first understand what codependency means. Should your post include possible psychological or emotional triggers, please detail as such in the post title. Started a new job last week manager refuses to order me correct uniform size and she called me fat phobic for not wanting to wear a size thats 2 sizes too large. I’ve been recently broken up with and did so many things to try to make sure I handled it healthily. Especially when they take too long to be available and now my partner, I began to notice that he doesn't say I love you not unless I do it first. Oct 8, 2024 · Learning more about codependency and how to stop being codependent can help you identify codependent tendencies and establish boundaries for healthier relationships. You might be prone to people-pleasing and peace-keeping, then resenting others when your sacrifices do not provide specific results. Or check it out in the app stores I 22(f) just got out of another talking phase. However, therapy is often recommended to address the underlying factors contributing to codependency. Today I’ve had a much harder time convincing myself to keep going and not just stop and stay stuck in the memories. It has been hard, but the temporary misery was nothing compared to the permanent hell I used to live in. I'm trying to change that, but I can't tell when I am becoming the problem. I'm worried that I'm just stuck like this and I won't ever stop getting anxious and agitated by every little thing. But the other thing I’ve realised more recently is most people see through the act. Every little bit you learn makes you smarter and stronger. If I couldn’t help her with her problems or made her feel better then I felt worthless as a human being. Being 21 is pretty hard because you're going through so many changes in life with education, work, friendships, relationships and all the other stressful things that comes with being an adult. I'm (24F) just not financially set up for that to be an option at the moment. You can look like you're managing to other people (many of whom will be benefiting from your codependency aka lack of boundaries or self worth) and you can be in denial that your managing, but at the end of the day you will be suffering and you will push healthy relationships away. Getting Help Codependency often requires professional treatment, however. I think I’ve always know I am a fairly codependent person specifically in relationships. I know I am getting upset about small things and that some people never get the chance to go on a trip like this. for that is all there is of you. Can someone give me a piece of advice on how to overcome this ;( i have hobbies but there's an gaping hole in my soul everytime he's not around. Nov 15, 2023 · Others stop being codependent when they experience environmental changes, such as when a partner becomes sober or they get a new job that requires them to stop care-taking. I know that being so codependent will only push people away. In this relationship, I lost a lot of friends. I (20F) got out of a 2 year toxic and abusive relationship last March. 75 users here now. I was brainwashed into… I've tried to convince myself for so long that I'm not codependent in relationships, but I've finally accepted that I am. Even if they do remember and bring it up to you, just remember that everyone has embarrassing moments and you can't do anything about the fact that something happened. Self esteem, self love, self trust. I want to stop waiting around, ready to jump at her every whim. Also, don’t focus too much on others. you will attract all types. I'll definitely give it a try, thanks! :) This friend knows about it thankfully, and for the most part, I've been proud that I haven't been as codependent as I've been in the past (like, being able to go days without talking or being the one starting the conversation has been really big), but I'm still a work in progress. I don't know but it will take active effort to change your behaviour - that's what I'm realising, but it's not easy to apply that effort. This is how self sabotage comes into play with codependency. have high standards, have strong boundaries. I am in an amazing relationship (that is very secure and not codependent thank god) and I feel like I just want to be with him and have no friends anymore. I clear up my schedules for him and i have lost all interest in anything that doesn't involve him. I already have very bad codependency issues with one of my friends I’m… I try to stop being codependent and basing my personality on others personality , but then when i stop depending on others what will I depend on I really don't know some basic meaning like just be yourself and these stuff I always depended on the other one . The point is, Stop feeling guilty for taking time for yourself. I will basically have someone who I will do anything and everything for. Posted by u/sammyluvsya - No votes and 6 comments Skip to main content. Fortunately, I've been studying codependency and realizing how codependent that is so I'm starting to catch myself more and more. I believe the codependent “addiction” to other people in our lives is just a symptom of the root problem, which is a shortage of love for oneself. It’s deeply rooted, and I had to not only find myself, but learn to love myself and get my validation from within. I’m fighting that urge to find someone to fill the void but I want to learn how to stop being codependent. I have become codependent in my relationship with my gf, I have become jealous and we argue all the time now, I don’t want to live like this anymore I love her so much and truly believe she is the one, I don’t know what a healthy relationship is, I have never been around one, I just want to be a better person and partner, we are currently not talking while I work on improving myself but I'm working in step nine with making amends with my boyfriend who I am still happily with. The basic flow of codependency energy is outward. Maybe that’s just the way I convince myself. Mostly I don’t like their desire to control me / my life and am not sure the best kind of boundaries to set up to help them. We've coped with months not seeing each other throughout… May 5, 2021 · Codependency gets a bad rap in our hyper-independent culture, which is why I like to recommend people who struggle with this issue begin by practicing compassion toward themselves when they get caught in codependent loops. Oct 8, 2024 · get reddit premium. preme hjoxw huzm qtwagr trguq cbhjn xddg jeesjyb gakhjg cfup